When you travel via lrt everyday, spend 2 hours in it, the lush polluted scenery is no longer fun to look at. hence as a student pursuing the art of science, it is a good chance to improve your observation and analytical skills. The lrt is a such a place where you can study humans, at their worst and sadly, most sublime and truthful behaviour as modified monkeys with just a 5% difference in genetic composition with our jungle friends that stole catherine zeta jones bags in the credit card advertistment.
Malays
1.Malay men natural perfume loving environmentalist. They believe that sweat and grime accumulated over time gives them the sexiest n most leet smell pheremone like smell helping them to attract members of the opposite sex. Why harm our little friends in the forest like the stupid civet for its piss and skin?
2.Malay women love artificial perfume and try to save money as much as they can when they purchase perfume. Hence their perfume is extremely sickening sweet smell and overpowering, made probably 90% cheap incense discarded from temples and 10 % animal piss ( important perfume ingredient, they probably milk their dogs for this )
3.Malay men worship Arnold Schwarzennager,old school NBA,bob marley,and some revolutionary guy named Chev something. Take arnold's leather jacket, add some spikes on top of it for defense purpouses to impale a giant evil gorilla which will certainly jump onto you, a very tight, too short woman's LEVIS jeans ( presumably stolen off an ah sohs clothesline ) , old school Converse shoes with EXTRA ANKLE PROTECTION,which is 6 inches above your sole. And you have your typical malay male dress code. Good thing the malays didnt watch PREDATOR (where arnie was in da jungle), or youd have naked shirtless malays running around with army boots n pants.
Indians
1.Indian middle age aunties cannot resist talking to you when they see you are from a medical school. More than often enough they will start asking how u entered,what was your mark, how much u paid and so on,when all i want to do is just smack their black pudgy face with my folder and continue reading my notes comfortably in the train. Therefore if you see a fat indian woman presumably 35+ and above pls stay away from them.
2.Sri lankan men have ESP and are able to bend ppl or spoons by staring at them. I dont know if its their natural look or so k,but they have this annoying frowning look where they will try their best and stare as hard at you as possible. The simple solution is to stare back until they look away.although staring may sometimes incite fights. dont worry though, the noble sri lankan never backs down from an intense staring match.
3.Indian men think this is India, and their names are Emperor Asoka. While the chairs which are reserved for the elderly,disabled and so are rightfull theirs ( i mean the elderly and bla bla ), indian men above 40+ think they graduate to this class and will try and just forcefully move on to you, and try to push you aside. I know, because i told one to come find me after he grew 15 years older and lost his hair, and i'd let him have my seat. Until then , ASK IF YOU WANT MY SEAT ( not that ill give it to you, its just common courtesy). To get chan's seat you must at least possess 2 of the following:
Chinese
1.Like to read newspaper. Bad thing is that they dont notice that you are sitting next to them,and nanyang siang pow is a very big paper, like the old NST. Hence the edges of the paper pokes your face, with the bastard/bitch noticing ( and pretend to give a feeble apology, and of course, repeat it again 10secs later when they find the newspaper will start crying or so if its not allowed to spread its arms wide and poke someones forehead ) or they notice, and not give a damn till u shove the paper back at them and meet their ''wtf is wrong with you'' look.
2.If you are a banana,and you are TRYING to unbanana yourself by learning from a very noob looking book that looks like this:
What all races have in common
1.Music is evil: If you are a male and you have headphones around you head, and you move your fingers or feet to the beat of the rhythm, you are a evil punk that has spiky hair,tatoos on your balls,pierced nipples linked with chains to your ass rings, you shake your head violently for no reason, you take drugs and it is therefore complusory that you must be stared at and be reviled for listening to music even though it is an oldies that they probably listened to as well. Females are fine, its their birthright to listen to music, no one stares at them.
2.It is okay to rush into the LRT as soon as the door opens, it doesnt matter if someone is stuck at the opposite site which the door opens, and the poor innocent person has to stand there pissed and annoyed, and wait to the next lrt station to get off and take a detour back again to get off at his or her initial stop
3.malaysian people hate their own kind. They will only offer seats to kwailos because they look radiant and have halos above their heads and sexy voices of a porn star even if they are males. ( ugh ) ( i aint give no seats to gwailos, pa magra )
4.malaysian parents are weak. What happened to the good old days where when children were naughty and disrespectful by making noise in public eg,running in LRTs and shouting like simba the lion, were taken, slapped a few good times, and told to shut up lest they wanted to be mowed down by their parents ford ranger and buried underground to nutrify the soil for our future generations petrolueum. Or made to stand in the corner and wear a DUNCE HAT. Truly, hao sang chai, hao sang loi.....
Chan
Malays
1.Malay men natural perfume loving environmentalist. They believe that sweat and grime accumulated over time gives them the sexiest n most leet smell pheremone like smell helping them to attract members of the opposite sex. Why harm our little friends in the forest like the stupid civet for its piss and skin?
2.Malay women love artificial perfume and try to save money as much as they can when they purchase perfume. Hence their perfume is extremely sickening sweet smell and overpowering, made probably 90% cheap incense discarded from temples and 10 % animal piss ( important perfume ingredient, they probably milk their dogs for this )
3.Malay men worship Arnold Schwarzennager,old school NBA,bob marley,and some revolutionary guy named Chev something. Take arnold's leather jacket, add some spikes on top of it for defense purpouses to impale a giant evil gorilla which will certainly jump onto you, a very tight, too short woman's LEVIS jeans ( presumably stolen off an ah sohs clothesline ) , old school Converse shoes with EXTRA ANKLE PROTECTION,which is 6 inches above your sole. And you have your typical malay male dress code. Good thing the malays didnt watch PREDATOR (where arnie was in da jungle), or youd have naked shirtless malays running around with army boots n pants.
Indians
1.Indian middle age aunties cannot resist talking to you when they see you are from a medical school. More than often enough they will start asking how u entered,what was your mark, how much u paid and so on,when all i want to do is just smack their black pudgy face with my folder and continue reading my notes comfortably in the train. Therefore if you see a fat indian woman presumably 35+ and above pls stay away from them.
2.Sri lankan men have ESP and are able to bend ppl or spoons by staring at them. I dont know if its their natural look or so k,but they have this annoying frowning look where they will try their best and stare as hard at you as possible. The simple solution is to stare back until they look away.although staring may sometimes incite fights. dont worry though, the noble sri lankan never backs down from an intense staring match.
3.Indian men think this is India, and their names are Emperor Asoka. While the chairs which are reserved for the elderly,disabled and so are rightfull theirs ( i mean the elderly and bla bla ), indian men above 40+ think they graduate to this class and will try and just forcefully move on to you, and try to push you aside. I know, because i told one to come find me after he grew 15 years older and lost his hair, and i'd let him have my seat. Until then , ASK IF YOU WANT MY SEAT ( not that ill give it to you, its just common courtesy). To get chan's seat you must at least possess 2 of the following:
- are disabled ( blind, leg broke etc ) are at least 50 +(mandatory)
- have white or very ugly old hair
- carrying a very big load ( fat stomach and young ppl excluded )
- look nice and kindly or not annoying
- pregnant,belly circumfrence at least 10 inches jutting out
- you are not an indonesian
Chinese
1.Like to read newspaper. Bad thing is that they dont notice that you are sitting next to them,and nanyang siang pow is a very big paper, like the old NST. Hence the edges of the paper pokes your face, with the bastard/bitch noticing ( and pretend to give a feeble apology, and of course, repeat it again 10secs later when they find the newspaper will start crying or so if its not allowed to spread its arms wide and poke someones forehead ) or they notice, and not give a damn till u shove the paper back at them and meet their ''wtf is wrong with you'' look.
2.If you are a banana,and you are TRYING to unbanana yourself by learning from a very noob looking book that looks like this:
- Big da
- Small xiao
- Sleep shui jiao
- Book shu
- love ai
What all races have in common
1.Music is evil: If you are a male and you have headphones around you head, and you move your fingers or feet to the beat of the rhythm, you are a evil punk that has spiky hair,tatoos on your balls,pierced nipples linked with chains to your ass rings, you shake your head violently for no reason, you take drugs and it is therefore complusory that you must be stared at and be reviled for listening to music even though it is an oldies that they probably listened to as well. Females are fine, its their birthright to listen to music, no one stares at them.
2.It is okay to rush into the LRT as soon as the door opens, it doesnt matter if someone is stuck at the opposite site which the door opens, and the poor innocent person has to stand there pissed and annoyed, and wait to the next lrt station to get off and take a detour back again to get off at his or her initial stop
3.malaysian people hate their own kind. They will only offer seats to kwailos because they look radiant and have halos above their heads and sexy voices of a porn star even if they are males. ( ugh ) ( i aint give no seats to gwailos, pa magra )
4.malaysian parents are weak. What happened to the good old days where when children were naughty and disrespectful by making noise in public eg,running in LRTs and shouting like simba the lion, were taken, slapped a few good times, and told to shut up lest they wanted to be mowed down by their parents ford ranger and buried underground to nutrify the soil for our future generations petrolueum. Or made to stand in the corner and wear a DUNCE HAT. Truly, hao sang chai, hao sang loi.....
Chan
6 comments:
wahahah.. hilariously true Xp
Good Post Chan!
~Kekura Kien!
wuahahah, tq tq = D wish i could sumbit it and get the newspaper to print it without getting caught by ISA
walau. good post eh!! you should start your own blog! bet there'll be loads of readers. haha
wehhhhhhhhhhhhh
i told pn mahani about this blog weh!! she's so going to hate justin after this
-j-un mun-
wahahahah....
see if she'll talk to u bout malay ladies smelling like... mmm.. whatever u called em in ur post :p
Post a Comment